One of the simple and powerful tools I use in facilitating clients' growth and transformation is to help them to identify if their RCs are ON or OFF.
What are Relational Circuits (RCs)?
Karl Lehman, a psychiatrist, who has dedicated his life to developing a trauma-healing method called, Immanuel Approach, explains how God has actually designed specific circuits in our biological brain to serve our longing and need for relationship. He has termed this part of the brain as relational circuits (RCs). God has built the RC system in us to detect whether or not we are in a state of building a relationship or destroying it.
When we are in a state of RCs being ON we are seeing God and/or others as a presence/person to love and be loved, to know and be known, to empower and be empowered.
However, when we are in a state of RCs OFF we see God and/or others as a tool to use, a problem to solve or a project to manage.
In other words, when our RCs are ON we see the relationship or person bigger than the problem or pain; while our RCs are OFF we see the problem or pain bigger than the relationship or person. Here is something interesting to think about; it is very likely that we are able to get more things done in the short term with our RCs off, yet we will be neglecting a huge resource, our relationships. And, no one has successfully built relationships with their RCs off.
RCs work in a similar way that our visual circuits work.
Imagine a scenario where I asked you to close your eyes, and guess what I was holding in my hands. Your eyes were closed and thus you could not see what was in my hands. Just like this scenario, when our RCs are OFF we are unable to see the reality of God’s goodness and the good intentions of others. Only when our RCs are ON, and therefore open, do we see the true picture of who God is and who others are, sojourners in life. Thus, it is crucial to educate ourselves about RCs and utilize this knowledge in a way that enhances our relational life.
Relational Circuits Checklist (RCs checklist)
The RC checklist is a resource provided by Dr. Karl Lehman. The purpose of learning about RCs checklist is to help you identify which RCs state you are in: On or Off. If you answered ‘Yes’ to one of those questions your RCs are most likely off. Only after we monitor and assess it can we modify it.
Relational Circuits Checklist
1. I just want to make a problem, person or feeling go away.
2. I don’t want to listen to what others feel or say.
3. My mind is “locked onto” something upsetting.
4. I don’t want to be connected to? (someone I usually like)
5. I just want to get away, or fight or freeze.
6. I more aggressively interrogate, judge and fix others.
If you answered YES to any items below your relational circuits are OFF.
One simple practice you can begin doing right away is this:
1. Increase your awareness of RCs state (On or Off): Take a moment to be curious of how your RCs state might have been after each time you had an unpleasant interaction with others, especially with your loved ones.
2. Increase the gap between your actions or words if your RCs are off: Take a couple of simple deep breaths before taking an action or saying any words.