Trauma + the Seven impacts of trauma with Dr. Gabor Mate

As a therapist and coach I’m on the lookout for simple and concise ways to share about important concepts. While information is not enough for transformation, It is invaluable to understand how our body-brains function.

Dr. Gabor Mate is one of the people I refer to regularly in my therapy as well as coaching practice. His thinking on addiction is amazing and his presentation on When The Body Says No is so insightful.

In this short video, roughly 6 mins of material, he shares 7 ways trauma impacts us.

Dr. Gabor Mate - The 7 impacts of Trauma

Learning this sort of information is valuable to become more whole. Information is key to healing. It helps release the burden of needing to merely push through.

May the information presented by Gabor give you greater freedom to experience healing.

"Information doesn't change us....but this does" VIDEO

Information is necessary, but it is not sufficient.

Dr. Aimie Apigian does an amazing job in this short video to introduce how we can help our bodies create a sense of safety rather than focusing on others to create it for us.

Please take a few minutes to check this video out. I imagine you’ll be surprised at what is possible.

How can you create change in your life?

EMDR therapy can help

EMDR Therapy can help relieve the pain of upsetting memories or even recent events. Possibly a car accident or intense relational event can be lessened with the help of EMDR and other like-minded therapies.

Sometimes people are nervous about what EMDR looks like and at the same time get “used to” the misery of the memory. We can help reduce the worry and anxiety about painful memories and moments.

We’ve seen people learn some basic practices they can incorporate into their daily lives outside of the therapy office increasing the benefits of EMDR. If you are interested in learning more about how to reduce your worries and anxieties, please reach out for a free phone consultation here.

If you would like to find additional exercises and practices we can support you in many ways to help you return or create a new normal that enables you to create the joyful life you desire.

Lewis Howes shares 5 Reasons why therapy is for everyone

Friends, I love it when famous people speak freely about therapy. Lewis Howes is honest and authentic. I’m sharing his 5 reasons why Lewis Howes believes that Therapy is for everyone. Wow, that is a big statement, but. I think he has some good arguments.

5 Reasons Why Therapy Is for Everyone (Plus, How to Get Started)

Reason #1: Therapy Helps Us See Things Blocking Our Way

Reason #2: Therapy Improves Our Communication Skills

Reason #3: Therapy Promotes Healthy Boundaries

Reason #4: Therapy Fosters Growth Through Discomfort

Reason #5: Therapy Enables You to Maintain Better Mental Health

I resonate with all 5 reasons he states. I think I’m most drawn to #4 - therapy is an opportunity to get the support we need to grow through discomfort intelligently.

If you have some questions if therapy is right for you reach out here.

When is a good time to seek Couples Counseling? [Gottman]

Dr. John Gottman is a top-notch marital therapist and researcher.

A simple way to know if you want to seek therapy is when you feel stuck.
This article expands and highlights some very valuable insights.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/when-is-it-a-good-time-to-seek-counseling/?utm_source=Blog&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=RSS

Waking up in therapy

Sungshim and John share in an ad hoc conversation about the importance of waking up to the unseen reality.

Therapy grants people an opportunity to learn how to pay attention to their inner world and be transformed from the inside out. The other option is to stay asleep and allow external forces to wake you up.

Life is a mixture of both, but we will have more freedom and power when we intentionally engage in mindful awareness practices.

Would you like to stay asleep for a little longer or wake up?

Trauma plays a part in our need for sleep, or to live in an automatic state of survival. Surviving is a good and beautiful thing, and yet, there are moments in life when we have the opportunity to be open, to learn, grow and heal. If the client and therapist discern, EMDR can play a role.

Introducing you to the Scientific Benefits of Being Outdoors

I receive research regularly about psychological health. A key theme is the role being outdoors plays in our mental, emotional and physiological health.

I read some research that those who went outside regularly did the best during Covid.

The author of this amazing article reached out to me to create a connection and share what he has learned.

Here is a short snippet to whet your appetite.

---

From Wilderness Redefined [James Black]

Americans spend 93% of their lives indoors. Rapid urbanization is seeing people move away from rural, green spaces and into built-up, high-traffic cities. 

Enjoying the great outdoors is an important part of a healthy lifestyle.

There are many potential benefits to going outside:

• A healthier heart

• Improved immunity to cancers and viruses

• Reset your sleep cycle for a better night’s sleep

• Maintains healthy eyesight

• Longer life expectancy

• Increased happiness

• Reduced stress

• ADHD treatment

• Improved creativity

• Enhanced memory

• Better academic performance

• Mental health management

Read the entire and very valuable article here

https://wildernessredefined.com/benefits-of-being-outdoors/

The reason I share this here is because the simple act of stepping outside for even a short period of time can be one of the simplest steps you take that can help reduce the impact of trauma and move you towards healing.

Maybe I should write an article Trauma Redefined because trauma simply the experience of going through something alone without the supportive presence of someone.

Relational Circuits (RCs) - An Introduction to a Vital Tool

One of the simple and powerful tools I use in facilitating clients' growth and transformation is to help them to identify if their RCs are ON or OFF.  

What are Relational Circuits (RCs)?  
Karl Lehman, a psychiatrist, who has dedicated his life to developing a trauma-healing method called, Immanuel Approach, explains how God has actually designed specific circuits in our biological brain to serve our longing and need for relationship. He has termed this part of the brain as relational circuits (RCs).  God has built the RC system in us to detect whether or not we are in a state of building a relationship or destroying it. 

When we are in a state of RCs being ON we are seeing God and/or others as a presence/person to love and be loved, to know and be known, to empower and be empowered. 

However, when we are in a state of RCs OFF we see God and/or others as a tool to use, a problem to solve or a project to manage.  

In other words, when our RCs are ON we see the relationship or person bigger than the problem or pain; while our RCs are OFF we see the problem or pain bigger than the relationship or person.  Here is something interesting to think about; it is very likely that we are able to get more things done in the short term with our RCs off, yet we will be neglecting a huge resource, our relationships.  And, no one has successfully built relationships with their RCs off.

RCs work in a similar way that our visual circuits work. 

Imagine a scenario where I asked you to close your eyes, and guess what I was holding in my hands. Your eyes were closed and thus you could not see what was in my hands. Just like this scenario, when our RCs are OFF we are unable to see the reality of God’s goodness and the good intentions of others. Only when our RCs are ON, and therefore open, do we see the true picture of who God is and who others are, sojourners in life.  Thus, it is crucial to educate ourselves about RCs and utilize this knowledge in a way that enhances our relational life. 

Relational Circuits Checklist (RCs checklist)

The RC checklist is a resource provided by Dr. Karl Lehman. The purpose of learning about RCs checklist is to help you identify which RCs state you are in: On or Off.  If you answered ‘Yes’ to one of those questions your RCs are most likely off.  Only after we monitor and assess it can we modify it.  

Relational Circuits Checklist

1. I just want to make a problem, person or feeling go away. 

2. I don’t want to listen to what others feel or say. 

3. My mind is “locked onto” something upsetting.

4. I don’t want to be connected to? (someone I usually like)

5. I just want to get away, or fight or freeze. 

6. I more aggressively interrogate, judge and fix others. 

If you answered YES to any items below your relational circuits are OFF. 

One simple practice you can begin doing right away is this: 

1. Increase your awareness of RCs state (On or Off): Take a moment to be curious of how your RCs state might have been after each time you had an unpleasant interaction with others, especially with your loved ones.  

2. Increase the gap between your actions or words if your RCs are off:  Take a couple of simple deep breaths before taking an action or saying any words.   

The power of presence that creates safety

It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn't heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore's stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore.

"Hello Eeyore," said Pooh.

"Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet," said Eeyore, in a Glum Sounding Voice.

"We just thought we'd check in on you," said Piglet, "because we hadn't heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay."

Eeyore was silent for a moment. "Am I okay?" he asked, eventually. "Well, I don't know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That's what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. Which is why I haven't bothered you. Because you wouldn't want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now."

Pooh looked at Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.

Eeyore looked at them in surprise. "What are you doing?"

"We're sitting here with you," said Pooh, "because we are your friends. And true friends don't care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are."

"Oh," said Eeyore. "Oh." And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.

Because Pooh and Piglet were There.

No more; no less.

(A.A. Milne, E.H. Shepard)

Serving La Canada, La Crescenta, Glendale, Pasadena, Alta Dena and surrounding areas.

EMDR 2.0 - One Person's Experience

As therapists, we are continually investing in ourselves to increase our capacity to bring the most helpful tools and resources to our clients. In 2020 we had the opportunity to learn from Dr. Ad de Jong and Dr. Suzy Matthijssen. We find the wisdom and knowledge within this training expanded the possibilities for quick relief for painful memories that keep people stuck in pain or in reactivity.

We have found EMDR 2.0 to be extremely quick to bring some relief and deep healing. One person who experienced EMDR 2.0 with John has decided to share their story.

I was not familiar with EMDR 2.0 before I experienced it, but once hearing about the benefits and research I became very interested in it. My experience was very positive and I walked away from the session feeling incredibly hopeful as I recognized that a lot had happened even in that one session.

What I noticed most after the session was my experience of peace within my body and the deep connection I felt within myself. I felt awakened to the deep sadness and fear that I had been carrying around all my life, it seemed, but not in an overwhelming way. I always felt an irritability and anger deep down in the pit of my stomach and through this session it felt like something had been loosened. I felt present to myself and was able to catch the subtleties of my shifting emotions and honor it, which helps me not to repress it, later blowing up. I feel more free and flexible. I look forward to more sessions as there are a couple more memories I would like some healing from.

I am so grateful for the ways clinical research and education further the treatment of trauma. I feel so hopeful that many will benefit and heal from the devastating effects of trauma and wounds to the soul. I highly recommend EMDR 2.0 and John Loppnow, as he is not only a very competent therapist, but a wonderful human being who creates a safe environment for healing to take place. 

Serving La Canada, La Crescenta, Glendale, Pasadena, Alta Dena and surrounding areas.

What is EMDR - Explainer Video

The Dutch know their EMDR research. Sungshim Park Loppnow and I (John Loppnow) took a 2 day training on EMDR 2.0 online. It was fantastic!

Ad de Jongh & Suzy Matthijssen are skillful and make learning EMDR 2.0 a lot of fun. I’ll be sharing what we’ve learned in person and in future blog entries. They shared the Intro to EMDR video from The Netherlands. It is simple and useful.

We have found that EMDR can be extremely helpful and healing for painful memories. If you have any questions about EMDR, painful or traumatic memories, please contact us.

Top 10 ways to quiet when upset, angry, or anxious - EMDR can help too

Did you know that it is possible to shift your state?

It is possible to learn the skill of recognizing you are in a state of upset and shifting into a state of connectedness, of productivity, of moving forward?

These are the Top Ten officially proven to work ways of quieting yourself when you are upset.  Official because I am officially writing them here.  Proven, because they have worked for me and others I have known. :)

Here they are

1. State intention 

2. Jumping jacks 

3. Take a nap

4. Write Dow your thoughts 

5. Ask for help

6. Breathing exercises 

7. Epsom salt bath

8. Connect spiritually - pray

9. Get into nature 

10. Do one small action 

These top ten ways to quiet after being upset from a common episode during the day or due to a traumatic experience are particular to me and the people I know.  I invite you into the freedom of doing a scientific experiment to see what works for you.

We all have unique histories and experiences.  Some of us have obvious traumas; car accidents, abuse, being abandoned, divorce, etc.  And, others of us have less obvious traumas; not being seen for who you are, growing up without encouragement, lack of community, etc.  Whatever your case may be,  test some of these, or all 10, and see what works for you.

State Intention

Ask yourself what do you hope to do in this present moment?  

Do you intend to quiet your body and mind so that you can get greater clarity?

Do you intend to move your body so you can shift the state of your mind?

Do you intend to connect with someone so that you can experience a place of stillness within?

Move towards clarity about your intention.

Write your intention down.

State it out loud to yourself.  

“I intend to quiet my body so that I can remember who I am and what I value.”

Jumping jacks 

This might have caught you by surprise.  Before you skip over this idea or merely laugh at it, test it out.  But, first, check yourself and see how upset you are on a scale of 1-10.  Get that number.

Do 77 jumping jacks.  That is the magic number.

Well, there is no “magic” number, it’s just the number of jumping jacks that I do to shift my state.

It doesn’t need to be jumping jacks, but what I like about this the simplicity and accessibility jumping jacks provide.  It can be walking around the block.  This is my go-to one as well.  It can be 23 push-ups.  Whatever it is this one involves moving your body so that you can re-center and find that still place within.

Take a nap

Taking a nap is a revolutionary act against the grind society can often trap us in.  The woman or man who can take a nap is positively in control of their body and actions.  This actually may be one of the more challenging ones.

• Nap Ministry  - Rest as Resistance

• Benefits of naps

  • Restore alertness

  • Enhance performance

  • Rejuvenate your sense of well-being

Research points to the benefits of a power nap or a shorter nap that is less than 30 mins during the day.  The next length of nap that is beneficial is 90 mins.  Even if you can’t fall asleep laying down to quiet your body has the potential to shift your state of being.

Try experimenting with simply laying down for 10-20 mins for a time of resting your body.  Make sure you set an alarm so that you aren’t anxious about not waking up in time.

Write Down your thoughts 

Taking time to jot down your thoughts in any format is helpful to organize the flurry of thoughts you may be experiencing.  Or, the monotony of rigidly being stuck on one thought.

Again, you could start with your intention.  

“I intend to write down my thoughts so that I can return to being relational and productive.”

• You can use

• bullet points to 

• capture your thoughts

Or scribble them on a napkin [image]

The main idea is to take time to write down your thoughts.  Often, this can be an important first step in organizing and integrating the left and right parts of your brain.

Ask for help

Asking for help is essential to being fully human.  Often, due to trauma and painful experiences we were taught not to ask for help or share our needs.  No wonder it is challenging and takes courage to ask for help.

Asking for help can be as simple as calling or texting a friend.

Pause, at this moment, think of 1 or 2 people you can text and just say hi.  You don’t even have to say why you are reaching out.  And, if you feel comfortable, let them know you just needed a little encouragement because you were having a tough day or moment.

Asking for help can include calling a therapist or contacting them via their contact form.  With the contact form, you don’t even need to talk to them.

Asking for help can be challenging and it can prove fruitful and productive.

Breathing exercises 

Breathing is essential and core to life.  It is also the place where the autonomic nervous system meets the consciously chosen path.  We are given so much freedom to choose how we engage our breath.

The simple act of being present to your breath can begin to shift your physiological state of being.

The two breathing exercises that I will share here are box breathing and 4-7-8 breath technique.

BOX BREATHING

The name comes from breathing in equal amounts of time (counts) that can be viewed as a box.

The counts are not seconds, but howe er long you feel comfortable with.  

Breathing in 4

Hold for 4

Exhale for 4

Hold for 4

Repeat for 1-2 minutes and you will see a difference.

Here are some box breathing apps.

4-7-8 BREATHING TECHNIQUE 

Funny video intro this process.

I have shared this with many clients and they have found it helpful.  Often we practice this technique in our sessions.  It helps to have someone with you when you practice new skills.

This helps shift from a sympathetic nervous system engagement to the parasympathetic nervous system.  Both are vital to our well being.  The sympathetic nervous system gets us going and moving.  And, when it is reed up too much we need to quiet it down by engaging the parasympathetic nervous system.  We do this by having a longer exhale.

The process is quite simple.

Breath In for 4 count

Hold for 7 count

Exhale for 8 count

Do this 4 times and see what you notice within your nervous system.

Again, try it out a few times.  Sometimes I do this after I do my 77 jumping jacks.  It can be beneficial to link a few simple practices together. Here is an online app to help you get started.

Epsom salt bath

Do you know the benefits of Epsom salt baths?  For a few bucks, you can experience deeper relaxation with 1-2 pounds of Epsom salts.  You can pick them up at your local CVS or Costco has a great deal on them.

Magnesium helps our bodies relax and quiet down.  The magnesium is wonderfully absorbed through the skin in the bath.  

Benefits of Epsom salt bath

• Bone & Joint pain relief

• Reduces stress

• Helps detoxification

Dr. Axe shares 10 benefits of Epsom salt bath

Connect spiritually  [pray]

Whatever your spiritual orientation getting in touch with your deepest source of life can help you remember who you are and why you are here.

If it’s God, source of life or, for you, Universe, call out for help. 

Help is probably the most frequent form of prayer.  

Other forms of connecting spiritually can be singing, meditating on an ancient text of scripture and gathering with others.

Find something that helps you connect to your core values as a human being.

Get into nature 

Wherever you live you will have some access to nature and that can be as simple as stepping outside.  

It can include

• Going to a nature preserve

• Hiking in the mountains

• Going to a lake or ocean

• Visiting a garden or park nearby

• One that you thought of that I didn’t write here

The shift in location can help create a shift in your state of being.  Try it out.

Forest Bathing is something that has been written about here as a beneficial way of recalibrating.

Grounding can be one small step you can take to help bring some additional stability to your being.   Check out the trailer for a documentary called Grounded.

Do one small action 

Do.

One.

Thing.

The smaller the better.  Try it out.  Taking one small step.  Take any of the 9 ideas above and give it a shot.

Or, buy a postcard and send it to a friend.  Or, download this app Postagram. You can send a postcard for $2 from your phone.

Sit still for 3 mins.  It’s free.

Put your hands on your chest and say, “I love you.”

Text someone you love these simple words without explanation.

“I love you”

Remember, the smaller the better.

Try something, anything.

Serving La Canada, La Crescenta, Glendale, Pasadena, Alta Dena and surrounding areas.