Couples Therapy

Are you feeling stuck in your relationship?

• Are you sick and tired of feeling this way?

• Do you wish things were different but aren’t sure how to get there?

• Have you thought about ending it but want to see if your relationship can grow, heal, and  change for the better?

• Do you wish you could re-experience the connection you once had?

All people reach sticky points in their relationship where they feel stuck.  This can create anxiety for any of us because you aren’t sure if there really is anyway out of this mess.

The very things that brought you together can be the things that irritate you.  You may have loved your spouse’s spontaneity, but now you can’t stand that they don’t stay focused nor are content with things.  Or, you loved how diligent they were, but now you don’t understand why can’t they be flexible let somethings go. 

Sometimes it is a change in family status with the birth of a child, or a move, a renovation of your home, or even something positive like a promotion.  Big and small changes like this can lead a relationship to experience a painful distance or stuckness.  Differences in parenting or relating to your in-laws can trigger some painful ruptures.  Betrayal of trust can create deep pain through an affair, hiding financial purchases, or an emotional connection at work.

While there are many reasons that can lead to distance in the relationship or pain, there are many ways to create a caring connection.

All relationships have perpetual problems

According to Dr. John Gottman, premier marital researcher and psychotherapist, 69% of relationship conflict is about perpetual problems.  . A perpetual problem is something that returns over and over again due to personality differences, preferences and temperaments to name a few.  Even the strongest marriages have perpetual problems.  While these may not go away immediately, when you learn how to create a new way of clearly communicating your needs, you can foster the peaceful relationship you both crave.

One of the common perpetual problems couples face is the difference in desire.  Differences in desire can show up in a lack of physical intimacy, difficulty in communicating your needs, and emotional distance.  Sexual desire is not the only place where differences show up, however, you may want to spend time with friends or going out while your partner wants to spend time together with just the two of you at home.  The difference is not the main issue, it is how it is expressed and heard by one another.  When you and your partner have concerns about the differences distrust can creep in and distance is created.

While every couple faces ongoing problems with the support of a compassionate presence and skilled relationship therapist you can experience a loving dynamic that is based on deeper trust and joyful connection than you’ve experienced before.  

Couples therapy can refresh your relationship

We are Marriage + Family Therapists who have also invested time, money and energy into our marriage.  Not only do we integrate all that we’ve learned from our graduate training, we continue to increase our knowledge and skills by learning from the masters in the field.  We incorporate Imago, EFT, Attachment and body based therapies as well.  We live out everything we teach, train and counsel couples to engage in.

 In couples counseling it is important that both partners feel understood and heard.  In the sessions we have together we will take time to understand each person and co-create a plan together to build towards a restored relationship where you can experience peace, calm and eventually joy.   We share from our personal stories to let you know these challenges are normal and there is hope for you personally and your relationship.  We build upon your strengths as a couple and individual so that you can explore the areas that need healing and understanding.

During sessions we create an environment where you feel safe enough to share your thoughts and feelings with the supportive and expert guidance of a caring therapist.   By modeling different communication skills and techniques you can learn to communicate more openly and honest with your partner.  You will also be shown relationship practices that are powerful and transformative in as little as a few minutes a day or week.  Each plan is tailored to you and your partner couples and individual built upon relational wisdom and practices that are successful and fruitful.

Most of these practices only need a small shift in your attention and a minimal amount of time.  When you begin to gain a little traction, hope grows and builds a positive momentum in your relationship.  

If you feel stuck in your relationship or in pain, with the help of an experienced couples therapist, you can have the experience of being seen, heard and understood and co-create a plan tailored for your particular situation.  There are no cookie cutters, but together we create a unique recipe of tools, skills and practices that will empower you.

In our 17 years as couple’s therapists we have helped clients achieve more peace and joy in their relationship and we look forward to working with you.  Even if you are the only one who wants to invest the time you can experience a shift in the relationship starting with one person.

Sounds good, but you still aren’t sure and you have some questions

I think we can benefit from couples therapy, but isn’t it expensive?

Couples counseling is an investment of time, money and attention.  When you are willing to commit to the process of personal and relational growth you will see the fruit of growing within your relationship.

What if my partner won’t come to couples therapy?

Any one individual can change any relationship when they stand in a place of power and love.  Two people can amplify that transformation.

Yet, sometimes only one person is ready to commit.  We have seen truly amazing transformations in relationships when one person is willing to personally grow and be empowered.  

If you are the one seeking support for your relationship you’ve reached the right place as this seems to be a specialty we’ve developed and have become quite effective at helping transform your relationship one person at a time.  It is not uncommon that after some time as you grow, your partner notices the difference and is drawn into putting some work in themselves.

“Pain that is not transformed, is transmitted.”  - Richard Rohr

YOU CAN HEAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP

If you are ready to become closer with your partner I invite you to call (626)-634-2131 and we can discuss your needs in a free 10 minute phone consultation.

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